Queen Gets Hooked on Italian Coffee
Author: Robert Locke
Website: http://www.queeninitaly.com
Added: Thu, 23 Nov 2006 06:54:52 -0500
Category: Humor
Views: 104

Ousted by the Republican party after a closely fought referendum(51%) in which the Monarchy is declared an anachronism, the Queen and Prince Consort decide to live out their exile in Italy. The former UK is now known as New English Republican Dominions (NERD). Follow their daily adventures as they come to terms with the complicated political and social mores of Italy while keeping in touch with events and personalities back home. Get details on Italian tourism, events and Italian recipes on :- www.queeninitaly.com He really was worried about the amount of coffee they were drinking! They were having five to six shots of coffee a day- the Queen was complaining of palpitations and the PC was becoming unbearable. He knew exactly what to do. He sneaked in early to the Gubbio castle kitchens and was confronted by Maria, a Romanian immigrant. She was the general factotum - the only servant they could afford now and she, like the Secretary, was grossly underpaid. "What-e you want-e me to do.....?" she asked perplexed. "Just mix half decaf with half the normal coffee and they won't even notice the difference- they are getting far too excited and excitable - blue packet is decaf and the red one is normal" "OK.... I do eet-e " she replied. "Can I have the red packet , just for a while, as I want to teach the Queen how to make an espresso as she has expressly requested a lesson", he giggled and then realised that this pun was nowhere near Maria's level of English and went quickly upstairs, feeling vaguely foolish. As he entered the drawing room, he heard the Queen saying "Apparently the investigating magistrate in the sordid Prince and prostitutes affair is half English- goes by the name of Henry John Woodcock" It was surprising what she picked up from the Italian press. "He is likely to be disciplined as he failed to run the investigation past his superior before getting the handcuffs out, our dear Mr. Woodcock........" "No jokes about it going off at half- cock, please" said the Press Secreatry with great alacrity. "Now let me show you how to make a REAL coffee....... He took them down to the kitchens and showed them the different parts of the espresso coffee pot. "Always put cold water in the lower chamber", he said "Sounds like the House of Commons, what goes in the House of Lords?" mocked PC and the Press Secretary had difficulty in hiding his irritation at these silly jokes. "Fill the chamber until it reaches the level of the valve - never hot water! No Italian will make compromises when dealing with coffee. It has to be strong and hot" "Well," said the Queen, "we never compromise on making tea, the water boiling, the teapot warmed and all that, do we ?" "Water boiling in a kettle, try explaining that to Italians who never seem to possess even kettles and then they laugh at you for being so pernickety and they boil the water in a saucepan - only one glorious exception in my experience-a Neapolitan musician who was intelligent and sensitive enough to realise this. I digress. Now, this smells like a good mocha" "Mocker ?" said the Queen looking slightly puzzled. "No, M. O. C. H. A, just the type of blend- the mocha originally comes from the Yemen - now let's get on. Now you have to fill the filter, this little container with the holes in it, with coffee, making sure you pack the coffee down so you get a really strong cup which will set you up for the day. Now, place the filter into the lower chamber, that's it and then screw on the upper chamber" "Don't be mean with the coffee, ducks, otherwise they will call you 'SCREWGE'- spelt with EW in the middle", the Prince joked but nobody paid him any attention. "Now, we will put it on a low heat and as soon as the coffee percolates up, you should turn the heat up a little. When it has all percolated up, you must stir it all around with a teaspoon, so that the strongest and weakest coffee are blended together." They poured out the coffee and they all laughed when the Press Secretary said "Life's too short for bad coffee".

About the Author:
Enjoys looking at the lighter side of life. He has been described as having a ‘mad imagination’! Interests include Italian and British politics ,swimming, cooking, reading, blogging, Internet, travelling, cinema. http://www.queeninitaly.com –Lots of info available on Italian Events, Tourism, Cooking.

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